Cafe de Mello

Modern zombie movies of the "Night of the Living Dead" variety are stunningly bad science, but close observation of zombie behavior has much to offer for an understanding of bipartisan politics.

Zombies operate on a very few simple rules:

•1. Eat the living.

•2. Don't eat each other.

•3. Mass together to apply pressure. Even weak massed pressure can break down defenses.

•4. Don't stop.

That's it. Zombies are simple. They have no memory; thy have no ethics; and they have no shame. It is the singularity and mindlessness of their purpose makes them terrifying and unyielding. You can't reach out to them to develop bipartisan support for any goal that is not "Eat the living."

A perfect example of zombie politics is being played out in the battle over the confirmation of Dawn Johnson to lead the Office of Legal Counsel. Somehow these Republican Zombies have forgotten that they approved Jay Bybee for this position, a lawyer who, among other things, wrote the infamous opinion that in order for an interrogation technique to be considered torture it "must be equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death." Following this sterling example of legal expertise, how could Senator John Cornyn (R TX) keep a straight face when he accused Ms. Johnson of not having shown the "requisite seriousness" for the job.

Some analyses suggest that the Republican's main concern is with Ms. Johnson's staunch support of a woman's right to choose abortion, and that is one of the objections that they have raised. But to suggest the Republicans have a real issue with the appointment is to miss the essential point of zombie politics. Like zombie behavior, Republican zombie politics follows a very few simple rules:

1. Oppose all Democratic legislation and appointments.
2. Don't eat each other.
3. Mass together to apply pressure. Filibuster.
4. Don't stop. 

When we understand that congressional, Republican zombies are doing nothing more than following the rules of Republican zombie politics, we can easily see that their "reasons" for opposing something the Democrats have proposed are really only "rationalizations." The real "reason' for their opposition is that it is their nature. They must follow rule #1.

Similarly, the real reason that they have threatened to filibuster Dawn Johnson's appointment is that they are following rule #3. There is no reasoning with them they are filibustering virtually everything, which is why the senate Democrats should use the constitutional or so-called, "Nuclear" option and kill the filibuster. Since congressional, Republican zombies function on little more than their brainstems (if you don't believe that see the "budget" they released), they cannot use the filibuster judiciously, and we should take it away from them.

The lack of higher cortical function in congressional, Republican zombies also explains why attempting to work with them in a bipartisan manner will never work. They have no rule which allows it. If a Democrat reaches his hand across the aisle, a Republican Zombie is going to bite it. That's the rule!