News Flash Follow-up Follow-up: Whoops! Nothing Happened

Whoops, it appears that our report of hordes of students being brainwashed by President Obama's televised address was based entirely on a story from Fox News that has proven to be entirely inaccurate (imagine that). In fact, at the end of the school day hordes of students returned home, turned on the TV, played video games, and put homework off until it was too late to do a good job with it. In other words, like most adult advice, President Obama's speech had no discernable effect whatsoever.

Chiding President Obama for his failure, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele said, "If a Republican had been giving that speech, you can be sure it would have been effective! We would have had those little suckers so brainwashed they would have come home and e-mailed their congressman demanding the end to Medicare, environmental protections, and Social Security while demanding their teacher give them extra math problems and more pages to read in the Bible.

Even though the Obama address had no discernable brainwashing effect, those parents who kept their child home were satisfied they had done the right thing. "I don't need nobody telling my kid to study hard and stay in school,"said one such parent, Ida Bedhopper of the Dallas Star Trailer Park. "They get to reading and writing and they'll just start putting on airs. I barely got through the fourth grade but I'm doing fine. I know what's what, and I get good tips waiting tables at Bob's Cattle Skull and Bones Barbeque. Who needs more than that?"

Comments

[Concerned parent-teacher]

These are cute. What has our country become that anyone would fear the president would braninwash our children. Everyone needs to encourage our children to read and make the most out of school. Not just the president.

[Outraged professional student]

That is entirely true! If society would just wake up and motivate their own children to do well in school, the President wouldn't have to try and "brainwash" anyone. When did mommy and daddy's social life become more important than helping their kids with their homework? That is where the problem lies. Poor parental guidence has made brainwashing seem like the only remaining option to try and keep kids in school...